Putting Things In Motion

I recently wrote about the possibilty of an induction with Rosalie. With my first two pregnancies, I went overdue but they came on their own. My third, I was induced. That delivery I believe I was the most calm. I was already at the hospital and as things progressed, I was able to get my epidural quickly. (This girl is a bit of a baby when it comes to pain!) Anyways, Chris and I both feel that being induced this time around is a better option for us so we can feel like we are more in control of the labor. We want the children and our family and friends to be able to be in the waiting room and to see Rosalie as soon as possible. I spoke with my OB yesterday and she said that we could induce anytime now. She went on to say that she was going to be at the hospital on Wednesday, April 17th and we could schedule it for then. That day just so happens to be our 9 year wedding anniversary. Not two years ago we had a tornado hit our house right at our anniversary. We didn't know it, but "for better or worse" has been taken quite literally in our marriage. I am so thankful to have been married to my best friend and my helpmate for the past nine years. And it looks like we will be enduring another trial on this anniversary as well. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else though. At hearing that Wednesday was the day, I wanted to cry...I DID cry. Who wants to go through something like that on their special day? But Chris reminded me.. "Honey, we are going to be celebrating that day for a long time...let's celebrate her life that day too." Yes. Yes, we will. Although we don't know what Wednesday will bring in terms of Rosalie and how strong she is; how long God will give us with her; yes, we will celebrate her. Celebrate that our marriage of 9 years has brought us to this point.

So, I told the OB that I would think about it overnight and call and schedule it next day. Well, today has had it's twists and turns. :/ I called the nurse to put things in motion, get things scheduled, so I would know what to tell my parents and friends. The nurse returned my call and I was told that Wednesday, the one day, that the one doctor I wanted to deliver her, was all booked up. Seriously? I just sat there and cried on the phone to that poor nurse. She continued to tell me that they were still striving to get me in the schedule for Wednesday but to get me a space at all, I was going to have to take the morning slot on Thursday...with a different doctor. :/ It's no secret that things just haven't gone "our way" this pregnancy. I was under the impression that if I at least chose to be induced that I would have some control of this. God has a sense of humor. If I'm having to learn a lesson here, it's "Let go and let God." Do I want a certain doctor? Yes! Do I want to know what's ahead of me? Yes! But it looks like we are still "waiting." The nurse was very sweet and understanding and said that she was going to try everything she could to get me in there on Wednesday. Apparently, there are mommies scheduled for induction that day that might possibly go into labor over the weekend, or Monday/Tuesday, and I can get their slot. See? Another waiting game. :/

Rosalie's blankets and clothes are all washed and folded and put away in hopes of bringing her home with us next weekend. Please pray for us as it's all happening so fast now and we are under quite a bit of pressure (self-induced) to get the house ready for her arriva. Thank you again for caring about us and loving us through this all.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Phillipians 4:13

Pregnancy: 38 weeks

Well, here we are. Two more weeks to go. I've definitley cried a lot more lately. Our appointment this week went as expected. I was lucky to see one of my favorite doctors in our practice, so that always puts me at ease and gives me the freedom to express how I'm feeling a little more. Some doctors are more compassionate than others, that's just the way it is. And with our situtation, we really need that. I seemed to have more questions this week as opposed to others, simply because the hour glass is running out on this pregnancy and I need to know what options are available to us. For example, if Rosalie survives the birthing process, what then? Does she go straight to NICU? Do we just hold her waiting to see what will happen? Will a pediatric cardiologist be readily available since she has AVSD? Say that Rosalie does well enough and we get to come home with our little miracle; what equiptment do I need? Is this covered by insurance? Fast forward a few days to the newborn check up with the pediatrician....will he look at my baby like any regular healthy baby? Or is she to be classified as a t-18 baby and incompatible with life? Given mediocre care because of her lack of future? I want Rosalie to be given a chance. Every patient, every child, every baby with a t-18 diagnosis is different. I pray that all the doctors we have seen over these months will help to give my baby girl a fighting chance. Obviously, we don't want Rosie to suffer. We don't want her on life support or anything like that. If God wants her with us, He will make it clear and we are praying, provide us with the wisdom to make these tough decisions. We did talk with our OB about doing an induction. We feel we might have more control over the labor and we really want family and friends to be able to be there to meet her. An induction will allow our kids to be in the waiting room and to see their sister as quickly as possible. If all we have with her is 15 minutes, we need to make the most of it and I don't want them to to miss it. As of late last week, we told the kids about Rosalie's diagnosis. It was one of the hardest things we have had to endure so far. Hearing your daughter break down into uncontrollable sobs saying "I want my little sister!" is heart wrenching. We all cried for a good while, explained that things happen and we don't know why sometimes but that God loves Roaslie and He loves her so much he might want her in heaven with Him sooner than we imagined. Since telling them the news, they have been, well, children. They don't take time to dwell on things like we adults do. Oh to be young. :/ So, here we are. The neonatologist is supposed to contact us soon so we can ask all our questions again about the "if's" of bringing Rosie home. We are also waiting on my OB to converse with our maternal/fetal specialist to see if he thinks we should induce closer to 39 weeks or closer to 40. I'm praying we have things more set in motion by my appointment next week. As always, I would ask for your prayers as Chris and I try and navigate these waters that are so uncharted for us. For anyone, really. But His love never fails us, right? Continue to keep us in your prayers please.

Waiting

To wait.... Webster's defines it as follows:

wait - to stay in place in expectation of.

I am not a patient person. I do not enjoy the act of "waiting." I "wait" on my food to arrive at a restaurant. I anxiously "wait" for packages to come in the mail. I "wait" until the kids to go bed so the hubby and I can have some peace and quiet. But lately, waiting, has taken on a whole new meaning. I am 37 1/2 weeks. In about two more weeks, Rosie will be here, Lord willing. Waiting on her arrival is a combination of anticipation and grief. I want to hold my little girl so badly. I want to smell that new baby smell and swaddle her in the precious blankets we have been given. But I'm afraid. I know I shouldn't be. But I'm human. I'm afraid once I hold her, and breathe in that sweet baby aroma that I'll be smitten and I won't let her go. I'm afraid to wait. Sadly, that is what I/we have been asked to do. To "stay in this place". Pray, friends and family, that we can continue to wait on the Lord, and that in this, He will give us a peace that passes all understanding, as we come down to the last few weeks of this pregnancy.

“I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord More than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning,” - Psalm 130:5-6