Pregnancy: 30 weeks

I'll be 30 weeks tomorrow. Time is going by too fast. I want Rosalie to stay inside of me.... happy, content, kicking and rolling around. I realize that making it this far with a baby diagnosed with trisomy 18 is a miracle in itself. But am I asking too much of God to create an even bigger miracle for me? Let my baby live. Let my Rosie live, Lord. With each passing day, each smile I put on, in the back of my mind is always, "How long? How long, Lord, will we wait on You to show us what You're doing in this?" As the countdown to April 23rd grows closer still, I can't help but wonder everyday, again, why this is happening to us. I don't know how to proceed in these last few months of my pregnancy. I don't know how or what to prepare for. There is a constant battle going on in my head and my heart. Do I buy a cradle for her..just in case? Do I need to buy her a drawer full of clothes....just in case? Do we need to purchase another newborn car seat.... just in case? The "just in case" scenarios torment me. How do you prepare for the unknown? I've asked myself this over and over lately. And through my tears and frustration, I found the answer to be simple. FAITH. We take everyday on faith, don't we? Each day we wake up we face the unknown. We prepare as best we can and push forward...with faith. As much as it pains me to go through this desert, I'm trying to hold on to the knowledge that God has his hand in all of this. Although I question and try as hard as I might to understand Him and His ways, there comes a point, everyday, where I have to remind myself that His plans are not to harm me. His plans are good. And true. My pastor said something yesterday during our teaching that I believe I will always remember. "If God were small enough for us to understand, He wouldn't be big enough to worship." Wow. So as we go through these next few months, I plan on buying Rosalie a cradle, and pretty clothes; where I didn't allow myself to do that before. We will walk by faith. Even though the path before us isn't clear. She's my daughter and I want to spoil her.... and I'm hanging on for a miracle.