Pregnancy: 33 1/2 weeks

Almost 6 weeks to go. I'm not ready. The past week has been miserable for me and pretty much anyone who comes in contact with me. I'm feel like a grey cloud amidst eveyone else's blue skies. I just can't believe that it is March 8th. I'm due April 23rd and the clock just keeps ticking. Faster and faster, each day passes. Thankfully, my baby girl is still moving and tumbling and kicking me left and right. Praise God that her heartbeat is steady and strong. But this week has just done me in. This past week I have felt farther away from God as I ever have before. I'm scared that he's pushing us too far. I'm terrified. I don't know what to feel or think anymore. My husband, thank the Lord, is being a great source of encouragement. If I didn't have him to constantly remind me, when I am in doubt of how much God loves us, I do believe I would fall apart. He made a comment today that a trial like this could easily break anyone. And that most people couldn't handle it. (More than 50% of people that find out that their baby has trisomy 18 abort them, so I would say that he's right. I mean, who really wants to go through that pain?) I sure didn't. And I still don't. But I was holding out hope. And I'm still trying to hold onto hope that all this isn't for nothing. Chris said "He chose us, honey. God chose US to go through this." While I still question everyday why this is happening the way it is, my hubby reminds me that we have to trust Him. Trust is a big issue for me and always has been, and it's something I struggle with in my walk with the Lord. Perhaps it's a lesson I'm meant to learn during this time. There is a song that I fell in love with last year and it sums up everything I'm feeling and gives me encouragement at the same time. Who knew I would be needing it at this time in my life? Someone did. And he died on the cross and bled for you and me. I've got to learn to be more trusting. If I can trust Him to carry me through the good, I can trust Him to carry me through the bad. I'll share the video with you and I pray that it might bring you comfort when you, like me, are walking in the desert.